JOAN’S BLOG – THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 18, 2008 – THERE’S A REASON THEY CALL IT THE 36-HOUR DAY

The plan for this blog WAS to write about how exhausted I am trying to do everything. I am in a perpetual state of exhaustion. It is 5:30 AM, and I am writing this now, because I have to sit at the car repair shop for 2-3 hours this morning, while I wait for my car to be fixed. Sid is reaping a twisted sense of "I told you this would happen if you took my driving away" satisfaction over this, because car maintenance “waiting room duty” was his job when he drove, which left me time at home to do writing work, insurance, financial, medical, and countless other tasks. In between all of this, I am working on 3 different income generating projects – two of which are writing offshoots of this website. In addition, I take Sid to a myriad of doctors, and I try not to miss any opportunity to ferry us to an Alzheimer’s social event  (i.e. –tomorrow’s Memory Walk kick-off breakfast at 8:30 AM), because it is vital that he get out of the house and socialize with people. Oh, and I try to fit in going to the gym 3 days a week. I’m zero for zero this week. Then I read the Message Board topic – just an ordinary day- and decided I have nothing to complain about. Instead, this blog is a testament to all of you who have days like those described in that discussion topic.

When I am so tired, I cannot get out of bed, I don’t get out of bed. That is not an option for you. You have to be up to dress, feed, change, soothe, and watch an infant, who happens to be the size of an adult, who can walk out the door if you turn your head for a minute. We talk often on this site of the emotional toll living with a spouse with Alzheimer’s Disease takes on us, but the physical toll of the type of caregiving you are describing is enormous. The burden of caring for your spouse at home is incredibly demanding.

Then there are those of you who also work outside of the home. Currently, until I do more workshop and speaking engagements, I work at home. Often in my bathrobe. But the burden for those of you who are working outside of the home, AND caring for your spouse, and often your children, when you return from a full day of work, is beyond endurance.

Once again, I implore everyone to accept every bit of help you can find. Day Care, neighbors, relatives, agencies. Everything and everyone. When I think about how tired I am, with a husband who, although is challenged mentally, and cannot remember, organize, initiate, or comprehend information and instructions without lists, reminders, and repetition, he is still capable of all of the ADL tasks that you have to perform for your spouses– dressing, shaving, showering. He is capable of doing household chores – making salads, folding laundry, putting the dishes away. You have to do all of that. And although I now drive, he still does all of the grocery shopping in 3 different stores, while I sit in the car and catch up on phone calls and writing. You have to do all of the shopping.

So today, even though I am sitting here yawning, I know I have it much easier than you.  I honestly do not know how I will manage when we get to the stage you are handling now. My hat goes off to you – All of you are the true Superwomen/Supermen of the world, and I salute you!

Please post comments under the existing message board topic – Just an ordinary day.

©Copyright 2008 Joan Gershman

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